It’s being afraid I’ve let a ball drop somewhere.
It’s loving another little girl who calls me “Ooooh Bal” with a sigh when I call her my sparkle donut.
It’s being referred to as “my wife” that still makes me catch my breath.
It’s being a Photographer that is so busy that I have to turn business away.
It’s being a sister to someone that I cannot stand not to talk to daily.
It’s about feeling unsure sometimes about how I fit into/navigate in my new family.
It’s about being a better friend.
It’s about reassuring Cade that someone will always be there to pick him up from school (my little guy has abandonment issues/anxiety about being left since Wayne died).
It’s about giving the benefit of the doubt.
It’s about secretly crying when you’re tired of doing the above.
It’s about reorganizing when life isn’t running as smoothly as it can.
It’s about taking responsibility.
It’s about not being so easily defined.
It’s about growing up. Doing the best you can.
And it’s about the text I got from Dad today that made me smile and feel so loved:
“We need a family picture of the 5 of you for our house in AZ and in SD.”
It’s about the censoring I do here because I am extremely self conscious of being taken the wrong way.
It’s about still finding Val.
And it’s about looking for her in the eyes of the people pictured above.