{ so i changed }

 

I have a few things to talk about today.

(Are you getting to the point where this blog bores you to tears? I have such a hard time opening up these days.)

I have been behind with editing client sessions and it was freaking me out. I am finally caught up and feel like I can post a personal photo without clients wondering where in the world their previews are. I’ll do you all one better and tell you that your full galleries are ready. Not just sneak peeks. But you already know that because I’ve emailed you your passwords. But just in case. Check your email.

It isn’t just work I’ve been behind with. I have been struggling to be a friend is is fully present, a parent who gets on the floor and PLAYS, a daughter that helps her parents with things around their house, struggled to find time to work out and also to do things that I enjoy – you know, to be just BE me.

The other morning, Ry and I were talking about changes and what needed to be done to make our family run smoother, what would be best for all of the kids, for us, etc.

And before I knew it, tears were falling out of my eyes at 6am because I found myself overwhelmed by what people needed and also what I expected of myself.

We’ve all been there, right? It’s an age old topic of conversation for parents all over the place.

But some seem to have it figured out better than others.

So I asked my friend, who is always calm, put together, and WITH IT what her secret is.

And she told me.

Help.

She has help with the kids, with her house, etc. She gets to work out straight away in the morning and while she is gone, the kids are being fed and clothed and the dishes are being done and her flowers are watered. And she comes home skinnier than she left and to a house that’s put together and to kids who are ready to see her.

And I know not all of us can be so dang lucky. BUT.

She said something that really suck with me. She said, “I am a stay at home Mom. Not a stay at home wife. The kids come first, so if I need help with chores so I can be fully present for my kids, I’m going to do it.”

And she works from home, too, like I do.

And she manages lots of date nights with her husband and she is the most social of all the butterflies.

And as I was driving home with sand stuck in my hair (we spent the day at the lake with our kids), I thought about why I am not taking better control of what I need to feel better, be better, do better.

Why is that? Why do I feel this way?

It’s a horrible way to feel.

So I’m changing what I can. I can regroup, yes?

I’m hiring a cleaning lady. I’m going to meal plan for the week (or at least 4 days) so I am not driving to the grocery store every. single. day.

I’m going to start saying no to shoots that I cannot fit in and start saying yes to little kiddos who want to play puppets and color and cook.

These years go so fast. I’d like to think I was smart enough to figure out a way to make each day count.

And so I will.