Apr 25 2012

{ letting the outside, in }

I can push the kids on swings and run around a merry-go-round until they scream with delight. I can take them for walks and ice cream cones and snuggle and kiss boo boos and make dinner and read stories. I can encourage homework and manners and affection. I can correct too much tv time, junk food, unwelcome language and behavior.

Because I am their Mama. (And Claire still calls me Mama and I am not sure what I will do when she stops and I simply become Mom to her.)

But there are things I haven’t been so good at. And I think over the past year, I have done a great job of pointing them all out. We all know I am not perfect, yes?

Yesterday I talked to the kids’ Doctor about Claire’s utter lack of interest in potty training. It has been a year. Day in and day out. A year. What am I doing wrong?!

He shrugged. Told me he has yet to see a child enter kindergarten still in diapers. This irritated me a bit, thinking of swimming lessons, gymnastics, and the improbability of running errands without a mess.

Apparently I am neurotic and she is just laid back.

Not quite sure what to do with that?

And my sweet Cade.

Until this week, he couldn’t ride a bike, didn’t know how to pee outside, and had no idea other boys did not paint their nails and also love the color pink.

And for these reasons, I wonder how much therapy they are going to require later in life.

Holy Goodness, being a parent is hard. Doing it all alone isn’t so great, either.

I might have done some damage over the past couple of years as far as stunting his ability to be a boy, but there is hope.

Ry came home with a surprise, took Caeden outside, and I swear to you – in one evening, he was riding like a pro.

Happiness for Caeden (and for us all!) came in the form of a new, shiny, red bike.

And I found myself clapping for Cade because he was riding without training wheels for the first time in his life.

(It’s a skill we have been working on for two summers.)

Not sure what we’d do without Rylan.

And I never want to have to find out.

(He, however, is at a loss when it comes to Claire Bear, too. Just sayin’.)

Posted in Caeden, Family, New Beginnings

13 comments

link to this post

email a friend

Mirys - April 26, 2012 - 10:50 am

It´s great to see how God put everything in place, again… isn´t it? Just waiting for my turn to give life this kind of ajustment…

Kisses and blessings.
Mirys
http://www.diariodos3mosqueteiros.blogspot.com
(from Brazil)

PS: welcome aboard, Rylan! It´s sooooo good to see you here (there, in the US) with Val, Cade and Claire!

whitney - April 26, 2012 - 11:23 am

oh val…i’m so happy you’ve found your other half. can’t imagine doing it alone for as long as you have!!

janelle - April 26, 2012 - 11:55 am

I’m hoping Oscar never learns these things as he will always be my lil boy.

Joan - April 26, 2012 - 11:57 am

I have to laugh at the doctor saying he has never seen a child go to kindergarten in diapers. My doctor told me that to. Believe me, my son would have gone to school in diapers. He would hold his poop in for a week rather go on the toilet. He wasn’t trained until his fifth birthday, the summer before kindergarten, but only because of force. You’ll have to email me, if you want to know those details!! good luck.

Leslie - April 26, 2012 - 12:20 pm

Please stop being so hard on yourself!!! Forgive yourself, nothing ever goes as planned and NO FAMILY fits in the box. Your doing a lovely job your family is uniquely wonderful even if your not hitting the milestones at the exact moment you wished you would have. Your doing such a great job with those babies and they have such a full life. They know they are loved they are fed and cleaned. Take a deep breathe. SO So happy you have RY! Everyone deserves someone.

Pam - April 26, 2012 - 12:57 pm

my grandson had no interest in potty training either, and resisted all we did. He turned four in february, and we decided to just put him in underwear, and let him run around the house like that. Worked wonders. There have only been a few accidents(at the beginning) and one deliberate accident, at which I told him no xbox for the rest of the day. Hasn’t happened since. Sometimes kids realize that’s it’s under their control, and they do it at their own pace. No one likes soggy panties. It’s easy to hide what’s going on with a diaper or pullup. I know someone who let their child run totally naked in the house, which also did the trick. I know it’s frustrating, but it’s not a contest, race, or the sign of bad parenting. More a sign of a strong personality, which is what you want your children to have in the end. Good luck with it.

Julie Roberts - April 26, 2012 - 6:08 pm

When the orthodontist ask my son what color bands he wanted for his braces he said pink! And this was when he was 11! Then a boy his age sat in the chair next to us and he told the lady he wanted pink too! If that makes you feel a bit better on that part! I’m sure Claire will come around! I had to get overly excited and dance like a moron when my kids went, when and where they were suppose too! Now their teenagers and they think I’m a moron! You’re right about PARENTING BEING HARD!

Erica - April 26, 2012 - 10:58 pm

Both my children were very resistant to potty training. With my son, he was 4 and now my daughter, she’s just shy of 4. We had tried every trick in the book. It was ridiculous.

BUT, in both a switch went off and they were trained. Most recently with my daughter, she was in diapers/pull-ups one day and underwear the next. BOOM. No accidents.

I got to the point where I let go of the “mom guilt” (at least for potty training) and decided to relax about it. There’s so much pressure to do each “step” by a set age and when that passes, you think every other mom is judging you. Finally I reasoned– I wasn’t going to go to mom jail for having a near 4 year old still not potty trained. I knew my daughter had the ability to do it and could do it, so I just put the ball in her court.

As for my son, now, he has absolutely no interest in riding his bike….

Super-long comment, but Good Luck!

brianna - April 27, 2012 - 7:17 am

On the potty training… what worked best for my girls, is to stop with the diapers or pull ups except at night, wean yourself away from them, but make sure it’s a good time, because once you start the weaning process it’s hard to go back. I stopped giving them something to drink at least 2 hours before bedtime. i made them go at the appropriate times; after waking up, before and after nap and before bed at night. i set a timer for every 30 to 45 minutes,(on iphone the duck quack worked great for my 3 year old)i suggest giving her lots to drink, when the duck quacks take her to the potty. reward with stickers on a piece of paper, that worked great too. i put the paper on the wall and they got to stick a sticker after they went. another “reward” was they got to flush the potty…. with a little time, she will get there! hang in there!! and congrats to cade riding his bike! that’s huge!

Kelly - April 27, 2012 - 11:05 am

Randy - April 27, 2012 - 12:13 pm

Val- I hope that you have your camera ready when Rylan teaches Caeden how to pee outside, as that should be the next task to master since he now knows how to ride a bike. Maybe show Caeden the movie Big Daddy by Adam Sandler, because he does it well on the big screne. Good Luck!

Susan Martin - April 27, 2012 - 12:21 pm

Potty traning is tough. My daughter will be three in July and we have worked on this for a year now. She is doing great now…still needs my help but she can at least get up there and go by herslef if she had to. I woudl suggest cutting off all diapres during the day and focus on day traning first. Just bring lots of clothes and underwear to whatever place you go. That’s what we did. Sure there were accidents but she got over it. Also, I learned my daughter didn’t like to go potty in public places because the potties were too loud. So that was some of our issues in the beginning. She still thinks that sometimes, but she just covers her ears now. Once we got the daytime training down, then we focused on night time. Within a few weeks, she was pretty good. We still have an accident every once in a while, but nothing like in the beginning. I can give you some more ideas to try if you want, just let me know.

So happy for Caeden learning to ride his bike! I’m sure it was a proud moment for him and you!!!!

Sarah - May 1, 2012 - 10:52 am

Until about 3 days ago I was in the same spot with my daughter. I tried 1 year ago to potty train and she was for about a week…then she just wasn’t having it! I put her back in her diapers for a whole year and then she just decided the other day. Don’t get discouraged and I would honestly say….just stop trying! Put her in diapers, then you don’t have to worry about outings. Don’t think about it…you are not a failure and you are not doing anything wrong…just let her decide:) Just advice, not telling you what to do but don’t be frustrated with her or yourself:)

In the Moment | Valerie Koop

{ letting the outside, in }