Apr 26 2011

{ the melody … }

Listening to “More Time” by Need To Breathe. It’s the song Jami set our Christmas movie to.

The other day I ejected a movie from my laptop. The title, “P.S. I Love You,” was written in Wayne’s handwriting on the DVD.

It’s about a terminally ill man. That’s all I know because it’s what Wayne told me the day he handed me the disc. He looked over my shoulder as he said it. Careful not to make eye contact as I crumbled in front of him.

Anyway. There’s a part that says, “I hope that you could understand that this is not what I had planned…please don’t worry now…it will turn around…”

I find myself saying these words to Caeden over and over.

And when I can’t, I just play the song in the MDX, at home while he takes a bath, or even when making dinner.

“I need more time … Just a few more months and we’ll be fine…”

Posted in After, Caeden, Finding Val.

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jami - April 26, 2011 - 4:53 pm

Oh honey. One of these days I’m gonna have the right words, but today is not that day. All I have for you today is, “I love you and take as much time as you need. Because I’ll be here no matter how long it takes.” Period.

Alaina - April 26, 2011 - 10:00 pm

Oh Valerie…..
I’ve come to know (and love) you and your family through your blog and am so blessed by your story. I can’t imagine losing such a huge part of your life… feeling as if you have lost such a huge part of yourself. You are so strong, you have such a positive outlook on life – not life today or tomorrow but as a whole. As ,a journey. As a story to be shared that will not end. Your story, your family’s story, Wayne’s story will ALWAYS continue through you, your children, your family, and friends. Keep turning the pages. Every day. If you don’t have strength to turn the page, just continue continue the next line, the next paragraph…. keep going. He lives through you. Through your chickens. In your memories. He’s with you always.

Mirys - April 27, 2011 - 8:09 am

My Dear Friend:

This movie is really diferent when you watch it before and after loosing a husband… I did it!

I did it before because it´s such a beautiful love story! It tells about love and hope and surviving and friendship and new beginings.

I did it AFTER Fer´s accident because I needed a model. I desperately needed a model, someone to look upon, some path to go somebody else, in the same situation, have walked in. Because I learned how to be a teacher from other teachers, I learned how to be a mother from other mommies, I learned how to be a lawyer from other lawyers. But, (un)fortunately, I have NOBODY in my young-with-kids-widow situation to tell me what to do, where to go, when to cry, when to move. And I needed some exemple to follow… To think “I´m not the only one”, “I´m not lost”, “I´m not crazy when I start to sing in the middle of a crying when I feel like singing”.

I think it is a good movie to you to see… But be prepared! You will cry!!! Perhaps it´s not a bad thing…

Kisses and blessings.
Mirys
http://www.diariodos3mosqueteiros.blogspot.com
from Brazil

Mirys - April 27, 2011 - 8:10 am

My Dear Friend:

This movie is really diferent when you watch it before and after loosing a husband… I did it!

I did it before because it´s such a beautiful love story! It tells about love and hope and surviving and friendship and new beginings.

I think it is a good movie to you to see… But be prepared! You will cry!!! Perhaps it´s not a bad thing…

Kisses and blessings.
Mirys
http://www.diariodos3mosqueteiros.blogspot.com
(from Brazil)

Julie Roberts - April 27, 2011 - 11:20 am

i believe you’ll find your melody again…when life starts making more sense. i from the outside looking in think you are doing well. and should be able to take all the time you need.

Amy Bush - April 27, 2011 - 9:26 pm

If you have the attention span to sit thought a movie (and good for you if you do) invest in some Kleenex and watch it….I’ve seen it twice and read the book…bawled through all of it, but it’s very honest, very relational. I always felt really alone, not literally, but like no one in my life could really understand (not that I would want them to). The movie is about their story and how he kept loving her even when he was gone.

Laura - April 27, 2011 - 11:52 pm

So much of what you share of Wayne reminds me of my Austin. He isn’t much of a christian music fan, but he does make remarks that i then hear later in christian music. so i will share this with you: Tenth Avenue North’s song, “Healing Begins” Believe it, Val. “When you let your walls fall to the ground, we’re here now.” You are surrounded by people who love you. Take comfort in that.

elizabeth pellette - April 28, 2011 - 4:13 pm

Hang in there lovie.. you will all get through this.. you already are.. with grace..

In the Moment | Valerie Koop

{ the melody … }